“The oldest, shortest words – ‘yes’ and ‘no’ – are those which require the most thought.” Pythagoras
Is it just me or does anyone else have
the bad tendency of saying yes? Quite few times I have found myself mentally
saying ‘no’ but blurting out ‘yes’ and then wondering what happened. How can a
two-lettered word, ‘no’, be so difficult to utter out.
Since when has it become so important
to please everyone that one ends up being grumpy, stressed, and resentful towards
oneself? I don’t know about others but my biggest reason for not being able to
say ‘no’ was disappointment. I would think if I didn’t say ‘yes’ despite not
wanting to do it, I would hurt their feelings, make them upset or come across
as arrogant or rude. Just the thought of others thinking negatively of me made
me say ‘yes’ whether I wanted to say ‘no’ or not.
“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” Paulo Coelho
I have
met so many people who are struggling with the same issue of being a ‘people
pleaser’. It is quite difficult to break this habit because sometimes it comes with
a lack of self-confidence and self-value.
“Don’t say maybe if you want to say no.” Paulo Coelho
Saying ‘no’
doesn’t make one a selfish or bad person. Sometimes it is more beneficial for our
own self to say no to others than saying yes out of guilty and resenting
oneself afterwards. If you say ‘no’, you are not being selfish, rude or arrogant
– on the contrary, you are standing up for yourself and putting yourself before
others. You are putting your values and opinions over those of others and that
is not always a negative thing.
One cannot
live their life depending on another peoples’ approval. This merely
leads to unhappiness and feel trapped or suffocated. If you live based on other
people’s approval or opinion, you are basically giving up your own voice. You
are telling the world that “Their opinion
of me is more important than my opinion about myself”. We need to realise
that we are all humans (To Err is Human), we all make mistakes, none of us are
perfect and we are all damaged in some way.
[I don't own this image, I googled it]
When saying
no, remember to be humble and polite. You do not need to lie or make an excuse
to explain why you are saying no. You are entitled to say reject or deny
anything you do not want to do. Once you start saying ‘no’ to the things you
don’t want to, you will start to see the best things like not feeling trapped,
feeling guilty or resentful. You will feel free and somewhat empowered to your
own life and your own opinion. Ever since I learned to say ‘no’, I no longer
feel guilty for being a little selfish because I know I am worth it. I want my ‘me
time’ and have my own opinions and values that matter.
I shall
end this post with another thoughtful quote I came across while writing this
post – until next time...
“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying
yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” Josh Billings
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